Welcome to the Equine Inquisition

No doubt there has been a gaping hole in your lives since your trusty scribe last penned the QQ Adventures, so let’s get right to it.

Lest you’ve forgotten:

DM: Brent
Draeya: Half-Elf Ranger CG (Heather)
Brenna Badger: Forest Gnome Druid NG (Maddy)
Dallian Lorgo aka “Dealio”: Rock Gnome Rogue CN (Kurt)
Eldewyn: High Elf Fighter CN (Anderson)
Kit Kat: Half-Elf Bard NG (Jenny)
Chsaud: Wood Elf Paladin LG (Elliot)

Introducing the Five Horses: Zippy, Wilbur, Charlie, Blue, and Oliver
And one deceased mutton: Sheepy

This gaming session finds the group (namely, Draeya) recovering from the bridge trauma of the last episode. The party lingers near the beaches of Gnomengarde. Soon enough, the decision is made to return to Umbrage Hill and check in on Adabra Gwynn before returning to Phandalin. Suddenly, there is a chuckle and the sound of dice clattering on tabletop.

“Well,” Brent says, “how about that?”

And that is when the entire party, still a good distance away from the Hill, can see a small white creature keening and wheeling about the stone windmill they’d left not too long ago.

DRAGON!

Although there’s been enough time to discuss the dragon dilemma, the party now finds themselves at a crossroads. The forest gnome, bless her brave little heart, insists the best course of action is to pursue the dragon and slay it. On the other side of the argument, the high elf encourages the group to consider hiding, resting, and…leveling up! The others appear to agree with Eldewyn as the party withdraws to hide in the nearest group of thick trees.

The pale, winged creature then swoops ferociously to the ground, and there is the sickening feeling, despite the distance between them still, that one of Adabra’s sheep has just become an innocent victim of the dragon’s appetite. A moment of shocked horror hangs over the group before they see the dragon head east (great 70s rock band, btw); the creature does not return.

It is under this cloud of dread that the brave heroes return to the home of Adabra Gwynn, who is obviously shaken from the latest attack on her home.  She finally accedes to accompany the group back to Phandalin, but not before her animal husbandry skills cause skepticism in the party (do livestock belong in the basement?) Furthermore, the healer reveals that this is all temporary and she will likely return to her windmill residence within a day.

Huh.

Also, the DM’s on-the-fly naming abilities are put to its first test when the forest gnome asks the name of the animal snatched up in the vicious claws of the dragon.

Sheepy.
Is the animal’s name.

Adabra offers the group a place to sup and sleep, and the suggestion is well-received by the party. Draeya informs the group she will dine with them, but will be sleeping out-of-doors for the night. First of all, it allows her to keep a watch on the surroundings; second, she has a funny feeling something interesting is going to happen tonight.

The evening passes cordially with the one dramatic moment occurring when Chsaud stands to face everyone and asks them to stand witness as he takes his Oath of the Ancients. It’s all Chsaud Arabian to the rest of the group as he speaks about an Axe of Mercy and Kindling the Light, but it’s obviously pretty important to the paladin. Thus, the adventurers nod and smile and clap politely at all the right bits.

At breakfast the next morning, it’s discovered that everyone feels a little differently than they did the night before. Whether it’s the mutton, the healing serenity of Adabra’s house, or the purple mushrooms, our characters all feel stronger, wiser, better. Brenna explains something called Druid Circle and some other cool stuff that will allow her to communicate better with animals. Eldewyn describes his newfound ability to cast some new spells; Dallian is now incredibly confident that his perception and ability to detect lies and deceit (and maybe perform them?) will serve him well in the days to come. Kit Kat gets the crowd “ooohs and aaaahs” as she wows the crowd with the information that she can now cast Invisibility. Upon entering the home, Draeya the Ranger’s new accessory is obvious – a hawk, her animal familiar, is perched upon her shoulder. Draeya has christened her ‘Chicago’ (inspired by the song “The Night Chicago Died” by 70s group Paper Lace; hopefully not the same fate awaits the bird).

It’s going to be a good, good, good day.

It’s straight back to Phandalin and the reclusive-as-ever Harbin Wester, despite the fact that his friend Adabra is there now. If he was reluctant to emerge before, he’s even moreso now as Brenna mentions their slaying of the pesky manticore. The other members quickly interject with news of their findings in Gnomengarde. It works like a shiny object on a squirrel. Harbin wants to see the objects, but how exactly he intends to see them when he won’t even open his front door is a mystery.

This guy is a real enigma, all right.

Kit Kat speaks in a soothing manner and Brenna rolls a natural 20 in Persuasion; thus, they are the only ones allowed in Harbin’s home. Chsaud tries, but with a 5 on the dice, not only does Harbin refuse entry, but he also mispronounces the paladin’s name: Ch-sad. To which Chsaud responds with: “I’m not Ch-sad, I’m Ch-happy.”

The moment the bard and the druid set foot in Harbin’s home, the fact that the guy is a serious hoarder comes to light PDQ.
Kit Kat waves the wand around; Harbin is unimpressed. Brenna shows him the colorful, harvested mushrooms and the town master is, like, three degrees more impressed and offers Brenna two gold pieces per mushroom (she sells two).

Outside the house, Draeya is asking Adabra what Harbin’s deal is. She explains that the “mayor” is quiet and reserved and was a “great man in his day”.

Back inside, true to the Gnomengarde folk warning, Harbin takes a great liking to the wizard’s hat described by Kit Kat. Which…causes some tension outside the Wester house, as Eldewyn is rather fond of it by now. There is no mistaking the sounds of excitement from Phandalin’s mayor and his offer of 50 gold pieces, to which the high elf can be heard exclaiming, “Hey, it’s my hat!” through the door.
There is much coaxing and pleading for Harbin to actually step outside of his house to examine the hat for himself. This is such an effort and a half that many of our heroes MUST be wondering: HOW ARE YOU THE MAYOR IF YOU NEVER GO OUTSIDE?

Eventually, HW allows himself a little Vitamin D and Eldewyn decides to have a little fun. The hat, Harbin wants, no question. The wand, he seems indifferent about…until Eldewyn waves it around, surreptitiously casting Fire Bolt as he does so. Of course Harbin is amazed at what the wand can now “do” and offers another 50 gp for the wand. There is a bit of chitchat about the dividing of monies, as some of the party feels entitled to more of the profits than others. Brenna, in an effort to soothe rising tensions, offers the fighter elf her two gold pieces from her mushroom sale. And soon, Eldewyn is now the proud owner of two more gold pieces than everyone else.

With this particular quest achieved, Harbin recommends the party survey the job board one more time as he has since tacked up some new missions. Draeya is immediately intrigued, nay, impassioned, by the Butterskull Ranch quest, as it mentions ORCS. And Draeya hates those things with every fiber of her being. The ranch is locates to the east, about five miles from a town names Conyberry, and Brenna is on board with this choice as well. The white dragon, after all, was last seen headed east.

Before departing Phandalin once again, Chsaud suggests lunch at the Stonewall Inn, where they can also gather information. He also offers to foot the bill, to which the rock gnome says, “How noble of you.” To which Chsaud mutters, “As long as you get my name right.” The group is greeted by a great grinding sound inside the Inn, and Toblin (the proprietor) informs them a noisy scullery maid is grinding coffee beans in the kitchen (aka Kirby).

When asked about Butterskull Ranch, Toblin has much to say on the matter. Butterskull Ranch is regionally well-known outfit run by Sheriff Alfonse Kalazorn. Kalazorn owns a herd of amazing butter cows, who produce BUTTER, which Kalazorn then sculpts into skulls. Pretty fantastical stuff. Anyway, these skulls are highly coveted and valuable items…but skull production as of late has been non-existent. Kalazorn has not been seen nor heard from in a month, and in conjunction with the information about the orcs on the job board, it’s obvious there is foul play afoot.

The ranch is 60 miles from hence and the party is advised to travel along the Triboar Trail. Draeya considers sending Chicago out on recon, but eventually the party decides to just go and see the situation for themselves. But first, there must be the procurement of horses.

Without further ado, let me transcribe a conversation that can only best be described as “The Horse Interviews”.

Note: Brenna Badger acts as equine translator here and begins with horse #1, who says his name is “Zippy”.
Are you a night horse or a morning horse? Morning.

Do you opt for the faster, but more dangerous path or the safer, slower path? I live for speed!

Chsaud wants in on the interviews as well, so he approaches horse #2.
Your name? Wilbur.
Your preference of terrain? Open plains.
Top speed? Slow but steady.

The third horse is named Blue and there is not much in the notes regarding this particular interview except the words, “Hay time.” However, Brenna decides this would be the perfect steed for Eldewyn.

Chsaud resumes interviews with horse #4.
Name? Oliver. (DM begins to sing “Where is Love?” from the 1968 award-winning musical “Oliver!”)
Where do you come from? (Side note: This particular question leads the interview spectators into the next line of “where do you go?” and then everyone breaks into the chorus of “Cotton-Eye Joe”)
When Kit Kat asks if Oliver loves music, the horse responds with a Yes, and the group agrees Oliver is the best horse.

Which is odd, since there is one horse left to interview. And the questions grow more intense.

Brenna is back in the saddle (heh heh heh) on questioning the horses.
Would you cut off your front hooves or back? The back. (Really, is there a right answer on this one?)
Daylight is this horse’s preferred time of travel.
And then, it gets weird. Exact wording is not clear, but the question centers around the moral dilemma of “would you choose to save one person or five people”, depending on various conditions, etc. Scribe’s notes mention a fantasy trolley and a wheelbarrow…and an emphatic response of HORSES CAN’T RIDE IN WHEELBARROWS.
The final question for this horse, “Charlie”: If you met a mare, what color would she be? Chocolate.

Incidentally, there is much spoken in the way of horse puns, mostly from the jokey paladin. Think “manetain” and “behoof”.

Eventually, every horse has a rider and begins to make their way for the Triboar Trail. Zippy – Dallian; Kit Kat – Oliver; Brenna – Wilbur; Chsaud – Charlie; Eldewyn – Blue; Draeya – her horse, Caesar, who is relieved to have missed out on the Equine Inquisition.

The party reaches the town of Conyberry late in the morning, and the group is greeted by an eerie silence. Adding to the the quiet terror are the half-burnt structures that dot the town. On a simple Perception check, the heroes notice several unsaddled horses milling about, all of them with the initial BAK branded into their flanks. BAK – Big Al Kalazorn. Further bad news.

Brenna makes her way around, speaking with the horses in the area, who are unsure what exactly happened as they fled the ranch itself in fear. The horses do indicate there were “ugly creatures” about and that there was also a lot of them and “fighting”. The horses do not offer up much more information than that, as they were not present during the real action. The horses also state that they love their master and seek protection from our group of heroes.

Draeya and Chicago leave the group now to do some recon at Butterskull, another few miles down the road. The pair come to the top of a ridge that looks northeast over the ranch. There are cornfields, orchards, and other such farm-type environs. There is no movement on the property, although Chicago informs Draeya that she sees many bodies on the scene. The hawk returns to the group, letting them know they may advance. On the way, the group comes across a cow with BAK emblazoned into its flesh, and after a brief conversation with the forest gnome, it is discovered that “Petunia” is one of the famous butter cows of the Butterskull Ranch.

The horse and humanoid convoy soon reach the ridge where Draeya waits.  Eldewyn’s elf eyes roll well enough to notice that several of the bodies below are orcs and that there are no signs of the living. This is quite a distressing scene and Dallian puts it succinctly enough when he calls the entire panorama the “Dragon Magnet”.

Just before the players call it quits for the night, there is some disturbing talk about poisoning Petunia and offer her up as bait to the dragon, who in turn will be poisoned. Thus, no more dragon.  Also, someone (notes unclear) wants to know if Adabra sells poisons in addition to healings potions?

It would appear that ethical and moral dilemmas await the forest gnome and paladin should the party explore these options further.

Indeed. Troubling times ahead, troubling questions remain.