Friends, your scribe has been lax as of late. I have had plenty of time to pen this exciting new chapter in the Quarantine Quester Chronicles, and here I sit, waiting until nearly the last minute to begin.
Forgive me, readers. I resolve to do better. Our heroes deserve better!
However, I am not so pressed for time that I cannot provide the very basic beginning information:
DM: Brent
Draeya: Half-Elf Ranger CG (Heather)
Brenna Badger: Forest Gnome Druid NG (Maddy)
Dallian Lorgo aka “Dealio”: Rock Gnome Rogue CN (Kurt)
Eldewyn: High Elf Fighter CN (Anderson)
Kit Kat: Half-Elf Bard NG (Jenny)
Chsaud: Wood Elf Paladin LG (Elliot)
So. Cue the song “New Rules” by Dua Lipa.
In order to speed play along, while making it more realistic and easier to keep track of, the DM has asked the players to consider time constraints when making decisions (he’d use a timer if needed). Also, while he personally has no problem with metatalk and table chitchat, he asked the group to keep it to a minimum, especially in battle or important decision-making sequences. Because there’s nothing worse than declaring (as a joke you say later) that you “toss a Thunderstone into the room to clear it of bad guys” only to find out you’ve deafened and killed the innocent prisoner you were supposed to rescue.
And now. The party has obtained employment with the House of Campbell, with a new mission – rescue an unnamed woman who has been recently kidnapped (Not Natima, but Probably Natima – get ready, I’m going to repeat this often). After a period of rest and removal of the Estercari brands, the party retrieves some decent weapons and make their way to the vessel that will take them to where Not Natima, but Probably Natima is being held (Thieves’ Isle).
Upon questions from Dallian, Baron Campbell (hereafter known at BC) explains that he does not know which party or house kidnapped Not Natima, but Probably Natima (hereafter known as NNbPN). The details are also rather sparse on the physical description of NNbPN; in fact, here’s what we know:
Dallian: Is she beautiful? (Imagine the rock gnome asking this as the sarcastic disdain oozes out of his voice.)
BC: Yes. Blonde and very beautiful.
With not a lot else to go on, Draeya picks a different questioning tact.
Draeya: So the current Kodifex is from the House Estercari? Is he a popular and benevolent governor?
BC shrugs, his facial expression shifts slightly, and it would not take an amazing Insight check to know that there is no love lost for the current ruler of Zenicce. “Estercari is not doing a great job of ruling. I could do better.”
Indeed. And if that is not foreshadowing, then I don’t know what is, friends.
The players board the waiting craft and as they glide off towards their destiny, Draeya takes the quiet moment to ask how everyone slept. Kit Kat jumps in with an explanation of a strange vision she had last night about a strange tattoo on her back that reminded her of their Zeniccian brands. It is unknown if the bard is prone to these sorts of omens or not, perhaps more will be revealed later.
There is some discussion amongst Dallian, Kit Kat, and Brenna about going invisible and scouting out the surrounding terrain (with Brenna using Wild Shape while Kit Kat makes the rock gnome invisible). The barge also passes several other small island-type landmasses; these are the homes of the other Houses of the Zenician ruling class.
But, before any solid course of action is decided upon, the floating barge arrives at Thieves’ Isle. There is a visible trail that leads into the swampy overgrowth and the heroes opt to make their way inland via this path. There is no indication that the group walks with any kind of caution or weapons drawn, and as such, it is only when Draeya rolls a natural 20 on a DM-asked group roll that she sees a large (very large) spider drop from the trees above.
SPIDER!
Brenna FUMBLES on a Nature check and what that exactly looks like, in-game, only Gaia knows. Chsaud’s successful Nature check indicates this particular creature is called a ghootz. Basically a giant spider with ten legs.
Draeya, having seen the creature first, takes a first shot and inflicts 8 points of damage, but misses on the second arrow (5th level: Extra Attack). The ghootz uses its height and number-of-legs advantage to grab hold of Brenna, who receives two points of damage in the grapple. The other party members now roll initiative and away we go!
Eldewyn (who also has an Extra Attack): Hits for 10 points on the first swing and FUMBLES the second! The high elf’s swing is so mighty that he loses his footing and pitches forward onto the ground. He rolls over to see himself staring directly up at the spider’s hairy belly.
Kit Kat: Plays a haunting tune on her flute – this is Fear (notes say Phantasmal Image too?) and its purpose is to cause the ghootz to become very scared. Thankfully the nearby Chsaud and Brenna roll decently, enough to save them from also being ensnared in the spell.
The ghootz promptly drops the forest gnome to the ground. Brenna immediately casts Thunder Wave for 5 points of damage.
Chsaud (also utilizing a 5th level Extra Attack): Hits for 8 points of slash damage and then FUMBLES the next attack. He drops his sword, trips over it, and falls onto the ground.
Dallian: Attempts a sneak attack, succeeds, and gets the spider in the thorax for 15 points of damage on a targeted attack.
The ghootz is hurting, no doubt by now. Draeya the Ranger plugs it for another 9 and 8 points of damage on her two shots and the ghootz is freely bleeding and trembling from fear. Finally it begins to retreat!
Oh, but the party isn’t done yet.
While Kit Kat passes on her turn, Brenna casts Thunder Wave again, Eldewyn Magic Missiles, and Dallian switches up to a shortbow and gets in a few points of damage.
And thus, with a kiss, Ghootz dies. Romeo and Juliet reference for all you Shakespeare fans out there.
The group from here on out will certainly proceed with caution. Draeya continues on, but there is a brief episode with the others in which Kit Kat and Brenna channel their inner Horace Slughorns to extract some of the ghootz’s venom. Soon enough, though, the party is back together: Draeya and Eldewyn in the front, Brenna and Kit Kat in the back, and everyone else somewhere in between.
As our brave questers continue through the swamp, a DM-prompted d20 roll allows Chsaud to notice something strange up ahead. While the paladin is not familiar enough to know their actual names, his description of “water hippos” is sufficient. They do have six legs which inspires Dallian to wonder if everything on this planet has two extra appendages.
As the party comes closer, it is discovered the hippos can talk! “BAD MAN THINGS” is the phrase the party can hear the creatures saying to them. It would appear the hippos do not like humans.
But that’s only because they’ve never heard Kit Kat the Bard play her instrument. And when she does, the water hippos become totally Charmed. Brenna Badger approaches them in her innocently gentle way, apologizing for the intrusion but asks if they’ve seen anything.
The hippos appear to understand this and respond with: “Why you have weapons drawn?” It’s obvious the hippos have seen the other party members moving about silently around them, loosely clutching their weapons. It’s also obvious the hippos are dealing with some prior trauma because they claim “thieves always want to hurt them”. It takes Brenna a bit of a moment trying to convince the creatures they intend no such thing.
However, it is Kit Kat’s enthralling song that finally does the job.
Hippos: We are called Blutzes. Do you people need help?
Brenna: Yes.
Hippos: What are you looking for?
Brenna: We’re looking for thieves that took a lady.
Hippos: Oh yes. They are bad. Bad man things. Will you kill?
Brenna (waffling): Well, yeah…there’s probably gonna be dead bodies.
Hippos: Can we go?
It’s worth mentioning here that the hippos are now excited to tag along on this adventure, not so much to exact revenge on the bad man things, but to follow the pretty music lady whom they now want to dance with. Brenna introduces the bard to the blutzes as Kit Kat and the water hippos make a strange internal sound, much like the purr of a cat.
The party now follow the hippos and along the way, Brenna asks how many thieves are on the island. The hippos’ counting skills are suspect as they state, “Many. More than are here.”
It is not long before our brave heroes and their water hippo friends come within sights of a great stone fortress. Time for recon. The group decides to put their previously-talked about plan into action: Make Dallian invisible, who will accompany the other gnome, who has transformed into a rat, and the two will gather some castle-storming info!
Let’s hope the two gnomes can put their differences aside here to do what is best for everyone involved in this caper.
Chsaud the Paladin informs the blutzes what is happening, as they must be naturally confused about one of their new friends suddenly disappearing and another transforming into a rodent.
And now…a brief story within a story – The Secret Adventures of the Rat and the Rogue!
Fortress Recon information is as follows:
- There are many men positioned along the castle walls, stationed as lookout sentries. Many.
- The compound is full of thieves. Full.
- A smaller stone building is at the center of the fortress.
- One man is seated inside this building on a throne of sorts and wears leather armor.
- In front of the throne is a great, circular pit. A cage is suspended over the pit.
- In the cage is…wait for it…a blonde and very beautiful lady.
- NATIMA! Because of course it is!
- In the pit is an eight-legged ferrety-leopardy creature.
- A rope and lowering mechanism are located at the back of the room, behind the seated man.
- The man “guarding” the princess looks formidable.
- There are no other exits besides the one the Rat & the Rogue came in.
Brenna and Dallian decide information-gathering is done and make their way back to the group without incident. As the pair relates their findings, several things are becoming very, and distressingly, clear.
- A full-on attack, even with the hippos’ help, on the fully-manned fortress would be tantamount to suicide. Probably very much like entering Mordor to destroy The One Ring…
- Dallian (is he still invisible here, by the way?) informs them that NNbPT is actually Definitely Natima. Nobody is surprised at this news.
- Stealth and diversion appear to shaping up to be the driving forces behind this rescue.
- Should they make it alive into that central building where Natima is, there is still the well-armored man to contend with.
- Should they defeat the well-armored man, there is still the eight-legged FerPard creature to contend with.
- Should they defeat the pit dweller described above, there is still the lowering and maneuvering of the princess’s cage to contend with.
- Should they actually get the princess out of the cage, in one piece, without grievous injury, there is still the Princess Natima to contend with.
- Let this be made very clear here: There will be no inclining.
After many moments of discussion in which the DM threatens to set the timer, these courses of action are decided on: 1.) The blutzes will swim over to the north side of the fortress, where a waterway passes through one of the castle’s arches. They will create a diversion, in whatever way water hippos are wont to do so. Hopefully that will draw off many of the guards. 2.) Draeya will cast Pass Without Trace on the entire party so that they may enter the fortress from the now-possibly-empty southeast corner. However, once she does so, the party will need to stay within 30 feet of the Ranger, otherwise they will lose their Stealth bonuses.
Of course, once the fighting starts, all bets and spells are off.
Crazy Rescue Plan, Pt. 1 goes off surprisingly well. As the group waits in the trees near the southeast corner, they eventually hear some sounds of shouting, which soon grow distant. A quick peek out into the open shows that the blutzes have done their job admirably and most of the guards here have cleared out of their sector.
Crazy Rescue Plan, Pt.2, though, is not without its flaws, shall we say? Here are the current objectives:
- Kill the well-armored man. (No problem. Dallian is planning a Sneak Attack, which will cause him to become visible. Once Draeya sees the rock gnome, she will begin firing from the northwest corner of the chamber. Hopefully the man dies shortly after that.)
- Rescue the princess. Here, things get wibbly-wobbly. There’s no clear plan yet, because lowering the cage would mean dropping the princess into the pit with the Eight-Legged Aberration. She would likely be torn to shreds, which would not upset the players too much, but the reward money would certainly go out the window. It would seem the pit dweller needs to be killed first, then the cage lowered, then the princess rescued…maybe?
Doesn’t this all sound like tons of fun? It is here the DM decides to stop the session for the day. He has left the party with quite a To-Do list and it will be interesting to see how our noble heroes will get out of this one!
As always, your loyal scribe,
Heather
There will be no including. Nice!
Huh?
Inclining apparently not in the spell check…