Good day, my fine readers. Do I have something special for you today!
An exclusive interview with the recently-deceased Sparkrender of Stormwreck Isle! (Note: he actually paid for us to call him the Great Cobalt Celestial Captain. We’ve included that nomenclature here, per the agreement.)
But, before we get to the exciting words about the Incident at Observatory Tower, let’s remind ourselves of the party makeup.
Fiona: Lightfoot Halfling Rogue (Jenny)
Thalia: High Elf Wizard (Kurt)
Gallan (Sidekick): Wood Elf Fighter (Kurt)
Ahfa: Human Paladin (Brent)
Zulu (Sidekick): Dwarf Cleric (Brent)
Are you ready for your riveting behind-the-scenes look into real-world dragon dominion? Read on!
Interviewer: Sparkrender the Cobalt Whatever. Thank you for coming back from the grave for this interview. Could you please describe your plans for world domination. Um. Your plans before you died, that is?
Sparkrender: Let’s set this record straight. You can’t keep an evil dragon down. I may have died, but I will return in one way or another. As such, I will refer to events in the present tense. And thank you, irrelevant peon that you are, for wanting to get my side of the story. Now, if you’ve done your research (which I doubt), you’d know there’s a great red dragon named Sharruth entombed below Stormwreck Isle. She awaits one worthy (like myself, no doubt) who can harness and channel the power of the island to finally defeat that dove-lover Runara and all the other metallic abominations who stand in our way. We seek domination over all lesser lifeforms…which unfortunately includes you as well, lowly interviewer person. Sorry, not sorry. Anyway, I was just in the middle of preparing for the great comet to come nigh so that I could begin my great Cosmic Workout. I laid down for a “nap” AND was in the very middle of a super-nice dream when I vaguely detected movement near me. Dragons know, intrinsically, when people are messing with our stuff. Which reminds me…put your hands where I can see them.
Interviewer: O-o-okay. How were you thwarted?
Sparkrender: No. I refuse to answer this question. Ridiculous.
Interviewer: No problem. We happen to have someone with us who will give us the scoop.
AIDRON: Oh hey, dragon boi, how you been?
Sparkrender: Hell. No.
AIDRON: Anyway, yeah, I’ll totally give the deets. So, the rogue had just finished her prowling around the tower, invisible, noting the great sleeping blue dragon in the corner and the four marble statues. She returned to the group to inform them about the idiotic…
Sparkrender: No. NO! Nope. You weren’t even there, dumbass. You were still in the prison-dungeon I’d thrown you into days ago. *aggravated sigh* Fine. For this to be an accurate record, I’ll give the actual facts. Of course I knew the redhead was walking around my lair, so the minute I hear the pulley descend, I decided to teach these puny humans a lesson. So I attacked. I used my incredibly frightening and potent lightning breath weapon.
Interviewer: Ah yes, the one where (checks notes) Ahfa the Paladin and Zulu the Cleric take a significant amount of damage and the other three dodge the bolt?
Sparkrender: Psssht. Whatever. Luck for the morons. They still got hurt.
AIDRON: But, they eventually bested you and you had to retreat, Sparks. Then, the wizard and the rogue told me they shot you in the BUTT. As you flew away before splashing down into the ocean. Hahahahahahahaha. I bet that was frickin’ hilarious.
Sparkrender: Shut. Up.
Interviewer: Aidron, bring us up to speed from there. What happened?
AIDRON: Well, the little humans found me. Very ingenious. Although, it did sound as if there were a struggle above with moving the statues into the appropriate places. Eventually, though, they “rescued” me. The wizard-elf hardly acknowledged the moment and went straight for the bookshelves. Rather foolish, I think. I’d been a prisoner long enough in that cell and had plenty of time to catalog all the treasure in the room. They should have just asked.
Sparkrender: This is what I keep saying! Stupid, thoughtless, insignificant creatures – don’t even use one-eighth of the brains that they have available to them!
AIDRON: Oh, be quiet, you blue blusterer. Nobody asked you. Anyway, they took most of the goodies with them, but the wizard seemed a little distraught at not finding more of what she called “ancient knowledge”. Even the magic black journal in the Isolated Tower didn’t satisfy her. And, interrogating the three kobolds in the kobold camp did no good for her either. Oh, to be young and hasty again!.
Sparkrender: *Rolls eyes*
AIDRON: Anyway! We returned to Dragon’s Rest. To speak with Runara and regain health and the like.
Interviewer: Oooooh, we’ve heard she’s awesome…would you agree?
Sparkrender: No. All lies. She sucks.
AIDRON: What do you know? You were floating around, bleeding, in the water like a big girlyman.
Sparkrender: Excuse me. I was regrouping. Totally different things.
AIDRON: ANYWAY. The winged kobolds Mek and Min had a lovely reunion with their not-dead sister and we all had an efficient rest in Bahamut’s Temple (Great master ruler of the skies, bless me with your illuminating love.) Also, I wanted to make sure the party of small humanoids understood that they should learn from my mistakes. I asked them to contemplate the future and their paths. I did make it explicit that no matter what they decided to do, I would be returning to the tower the next day to vanquish Sparkrender, once and for all. For, you see, I knew the vile worm would return.
Sparkrender: Duh. I had a ritual to complete. Like I was going to shuffle off this mortal coil THAT easily. I am Sparkrender!
Interviewer: Annnnnd, it’s a great time to ask, Sparkrender, what you were doing when the party left for Dragon’s Rest?
Sparkrender: I swam around for a bit, let the briny seawater disinfect and clean out my wounds, and gather my righteous anger about me before rising back up to the tower. I had the stupid lizard-kids rebuild my effigies and I will say, curses to those mortal idiots for spiriting away my best two workers, Ant and Dec, or whatever their names were. Good help is super-hard to find, let me tell you. Oh, and also, I lifted some weights and worked on my abs.
Interviewer: So, onto the fateful day?
AIDRON: Right. We left early, refreshed, and ready to kill the beast. The two holy men had acquired bows and arrows; a prudent move if I do say so. We discussed the plan on what we would do while we walked back to the Tower.
Sparkrender: Did you, really? Ha! What a waste of time! I was up at the sunrise and preparing myself for the ultimate power-drawing.
AIDRON: Yeah, we know. We showed up and you looked like a nimrod, in the middle of some of ecstatic fit.
Sparkrender: The power was coming into me, stupid. I was…
AIDRON: Not ready for the wood elf fighter to jump onto your back and start hacking away, were you?
Sparkrender: That’s what he was doing? Felt like he was poking me with a needle or something. Could have been doing some embroidery, for all I felt. I remember you flying at me, Aidron, and me smacking you down like the big crybaby you are. Remember writhing on the ground in agony?
AIDRON: …
Sparkrender: And I would have been victorious, but I had not reckoned with the colorful lights that surrounded me in ritual. I did not factor the gold dragon’s healing powers into the mix, which the mewling, pestilent simpletons benefited from.
AIDRON: THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT, STUPID! Dragons are good and evil, and the world will always seek to find the balance. That’s why you’ll never succeed.
Sparkrender: Nobody asked you, Aristotle. The power was there, waiting to be taken and wielded…and who better than I?
AIDRON: Yeah, that worked out well for you. You got your butt kicked! And easily.
Sparkrender: Alas. If I knew then what I know now, I would have started the ritual much, much earlier in the morning. Your band of halfwits wouldn’t have even been out of bed yet by the time I’d come into my full power and began my reign of terror.
AIDRON: Haha. But you don’t know then what you know now. So there. You lost.
Sparkrender: *rips off mic* I refuse to sit here with such flagrant disrespect any longer. I’m going back to my broken body and my death-grave – it’s much more pleasant.
Interviewer: Well. That’s the end of that, I guess? Is it bad that I’m not sad to see him go?
AIDRON: Not at all. He’s a pimple.
Interviewer: Well, Aidron, only a few minutes left. Please quickly recap the rest of the adventure.
AIDRON: Okay. So we returned to Runara’s, and she rewarded the warriors with a beautiful pearl and 100 gp each (v. generous, of course). And she also answered quite a few questions about the booty, gems and the like. And, there was a handkerchief with a very peculiar pattern sewn onto it: a black star on a red shield. Runara says it is the symbol of a nefarious, secretive, and very dangerous group known as the Scarlet Brotherhood. It would appear that there now are more questions and answers to seek. Runara bids the party to make a choice: where to go next? The Free City of Greyhawk OR the seaport of Saltmarsh? In the end, the wizard makes the choice and seems to believe the fame and fortune and knowledge will be found in the Free City of Greyhawk. Another night of rest and they will take Runara’s portal to that part of the world.
Interviewer: Um. Great. But, why are you smiling like that?
AIDRON: Like what?
Interviewer: Like you know a secret the adventurers don’t?
AIDRON: Oh, pish. That’s not what that smile was. I’m just happy for the party’s victory.
Interviewer: Uh. Sure…
AIDRON: Goodness. Gotta dash! Running late for my mani-pedi. Let’s do drinks soon, sweetie!
Uh. Very informative, dear readers. Hard to say what (mis)adventures await our noble questers. We certainly wish our brave champions all the very best as they continue on the path of destiny!
Cheers!
Your scribe,
Heather