Strangers In A Strange Land

This post’s title encapsulates theme of this QQ session PERFECTLY. But first, a reminder…

DM: Brent
Draeya: Half-Elf Ranger CG (Heather)
Brenna Badger: Forest Gnome Druid NG (Maddy)
Dallian Lorgo aka “Dealio”: Rock Gnome Rogue CN (Kurt)
Eldewyn: High Elf Fighter CN (Anderson)
Kit Kat: Half-Elf Bard NG (Jenny)
Chsaud: Wood Elf Paladin LG (Elliot)

Brent the DM wasted no time in declaring that he has been looking forward to this session for some time, has been planning it for four weeks, and that he was sure it was to be an exciting day. Oh, indeed!

But first, horses for skulls.

No, it’s not the latest medieval musical act to roll through Phandalin. It’s the exchange the party makes with Elmer B of Barthen’s Provisions for ownership of the horses they’ve been riding on. A butterskull for horses. It’s unclear if all butterskulls are to be relinquished, or just one…and if so, whose? And if not, what is the refrigeration plan for the not-handed-over skulls?

I mean, is nobody worried about rancidity around here?

Barthen also asks for news of the party’s latest adventure, and they regale him with all the deets. Apparently, word is spreading quickly that the Quarantine Questers are an accomplished A-Team, and so when Brenna offers Elmer an apple she foraged at the Butterskull Ranch, the general store owner does not hesitate to take it with his admirative thanks. Elmer is further pleased when Brenna compliments him on his horses. In fact, he’s so tickled that he very nearly forgets the most important news of the day: Harbin “The Recluse” Wester is throwing a PARTY at the Stonewall Inn – TONIGHT! In honor of the heroes who have done so much good for the town, he is actually COMING OUT of his house to celebrate and feast.

5 pm. Stonewall Inn. OMG. BYOB. RSVP. LOL. IYKYK.

Elmer sends one of his lackeys, Ander, to the Inn to inform the kitchen staff that the brave party has returned, triumphant, and the FEAST can proceed as planned (and as the emperor has foreseen, for all our Star Wars fans out there). Elmer informs the group that the time is now 3:00 or so in the afternoon. That means this feast will commence roughly two hours hence.

I feel I would be neglecting my scribely duties if I did not mention that yours truly was a little disturbed by this piece of information. Two hours for feast preparations is not nearly enough without straining the kitchen staff of the Stonewall Inn past the compass of their wits. There is unspoken concern that the rush and frantic haste will result in a poorly prepared meal.

Alas, at least it’s free. Let’s just hope everyone is Serv-Safe certified.

With two hours now to fritter away until the great fiesta, the questers have a decision to make: how to spend the time? Draeya decides to have a drink at the Inn, and she is accompanied by the forest gnome. Dallian and Kit Kat make plans to examine a local ruin, The Shrine of Luck. And Chsaud and Eldewyn opt to explore the Phandalin Miner’s Exchange.

At the Inn, the early afternoon crowd is slow, and Draeya’s ale comes quickly, as does Brenna’s pint of apple juice. The Stonewall proprietor, Toblin, is excited to see the two and lauds them with praise for their brave achievements. The patrons clamor excitedly for the tale of the adventures at Butterskull Ranch.

At the Shrine of Luck, a pile of moldering stones turn out to be nothing more than a cleverly-named, long-lost….hey, DM, what exactly was this place all about? Is it lucky? Neglected? At any rate, the scribe notes do not indicate that this was more than a fun little walk for the rock gnome rogue and bard.

At the Miner’s Exchange, Chsaud and Eldewyn are greeted by one cheerful-ish human named Hallia Thornton, who asks the two what brings them in. Chsaud, looking to hone his schmooze skills, tells Hallia that he believes “miners to be more honest” before he asks her about Harbin Wester. Hallia gives a kind of pat answer, similar to ones they’ve heard before about the reclusive mayor. A decent Perception check by Chsaud tells him something’s not quite with right and fair with Hallia, but he does not pursue the issue at this time. He makes the comment that he could “Zone of Truth” her, but again, chooses not to do so. Eldewyn observes the exchange from the doorway with a droll eye.

Hallia: Would you two like to hear a tale?

Chsaud: Of course!

H: Two sentences about a place called NeverWinter Wood…end of tale.

All: … (sound of crickets chirping)

The general exclamation of “Uh…what?” goes around the table of players. The actual build up to the tale was longer than the tale itself.

C: Okay. Soooo…what do you do here?

H: I keep records of the miners’ finds. Make exchanges. You know, miner stuff.

There is not much else to say, and soon the two depart, now headed for a place called the Lionshield Coster, which appears to be a general store of sorts, specializing in armor and equipment.

Meanwhile, Brenna has decided to leave the Inn and head out into nature to fashion some flower crowns in honor of tonight’s festivities.

Back at the Lionshield, the employee behind the counter introduces herself as Leonie, Leanne, Lenore, Leonine…Greywind.

Linen Greywind, it is.

Chsaud gets right to the point. He obviously felt he wasted too much schmooze energy on Hallia and won’t be making that same mistake with Linen.

C: Do you have anything rare here? Anything magical? Anything that might help slay a dragon?

At this, Eldewyn’s elf ears perk up and he strides forward to hear the reply.

L: I’m not sure I’ve got anything on hand that would fit that category, but I can speak with my associates and suppliers and get back to you. If you leave me a list of what you’re looking for, I can let you know what I find out by tomorrow. In the meantime, I will need to submit you to a background check to determine your reputability.

Chsaud assents to this and Eldewyn murmurs to the paladin that “you may have to purchase items for me, as it’s likely I won’t pass such a reference check myself.” Chsaud’s answer to this is not recorded here, but he does hastily scribble out a list for Linen.

As the pair exit the store, Brenna is passing by and wishes to speak with the paladin. Essentially, what the forest gnome wants to know is if it would be the most terrible thing in the world to give the “worst” flower crown to Dallian Lorgo. In his lofty paladin style, Chsaud explains that he is all about equality, and that the rock gnome should receive an equally beautiful flower crown as the others. This does not appear to be the answer Brenna wants to hear, and eventually, Chsaud resignedly leaves her with “you must do what you feel is right.”

And finally! It’s party time at the Stonewall Inn! Thankfully, for the Stonewall staff, the party attendee number is small. There is a reference made to using a microwave, though. Toblin begins the meal with some appetizers, small bites, to whet the appetite of the party-goers. Also, it comes as a surprise to the group that Harbin won’t actually be making his appearance until dessert.

That seems odd, does it not, friends? Seems like a portent of the weird and wild things to come…

But first, in response to the rock gnome’s question, it would appear that tonight’s dessert is Buttercream Cake. Of course it is. Also, everyone in the party receives this newsflash: Chsaud is an aspiring chef and he races back to the kitchen to assist, muttering something about lambshanks.

Okay?

Not too long after the clock strikes 5:00 pm, Toblin announces the feast is to begin! The festiveness of the occasion is kicked off by Brenna Badger’s distribution of her marvelous floral crowns. Chsaud fixes the forest gnome with an intensely disapproving stare as she hands a rather thorny crown to Dallian. Naturally, references are made to cross-carrying at this time.

The first course is a hearty meat stew with bread. The smells are tantalizing and our famished heroes waste no time in falling to the business of eating.

And then…the heroes fall to the business of…falling.

The players are several bites in to a delicious meal when all of them suddenly feel incredibly drowsy. And Brenna is so affected (read: FUMBLE) that she actually passes straight out and hits her head on the table as she collapses. The ranger and fighter roll a save just well enough to see none other than Harbin Wester burst in through the Inn’s doors, wearing his new wizard’s haaaaaaaaaat…

It may be that several minutes, hours, or days have passed when the party regains some kind of consciousness. And the shocking bombshells begin to rain down, one right after the other:

1. The party has somehow been transported to another plane.
2. Brenna’s floral crowns are gone, replaced by slave chains and tattered clothing.
3. All members of the party have been subdued in some way and are now working as slaves.
4. It would appear the group has been here for several days, functioning in some kind of stupor.
5. All equipment, gear, possessions, and monies the characters had in Phandalin is GONE.
6. Chsaud laments this as he “had just got mithril armor.”
7. Draeya laments the loss of both her apple and mushroom wine.

The group realizes they certainly aren’t in Kansas (or Phandalin) anymore. The planet they are now on is called Cregan, and the city is named Zenicce. The main mode of transport is through a complex network of canals that connect various “islands” and enclaves in the city. There is no definite central government; instead, clan or family or “house” leadership is designated on every island/enclave. This means the city is fraught with all kinds of political upheaval as various Houses duke it out for control over the tiny island-like states. Side note: Does anyone want to yell THIS IS SPARTA!?

Oh! and how could I forget, astonished readers, to tell you of the most alarming feature of this new planet? Two suns. In the sky at the same time. These brilliant lights give Zenicce that dazzling, gleaming semblance of wealth and prosperity, reflecting its shine onto the beautiful marble walls and buildings that make up this city.  At present, the group is floating down a canal on a barge, and they pass through and under impressively built marble arcades and arches. Colorful plants in hues of majestic purples and yellowy-browns drape gracefully from these sublime specimens of architecture. And it is all this graceful and strong architecture that has to provide housing, shelter, and recreation for around ONE MILLION PEOPLE.

It is a stark, stark contrast to the treatment of the laborers who provide the materials for all this beauty.

Because of the dual-sun system, Zenicce experiences a 32-hour day. But for slaves, 21 of those are spent endlessly toiling in the marble mines. Our brave adventurers-turned-slaves are exhausted and malnourished and improperly protected against the weather elements. Despite this, all of them feel relatively strong still. Even though their physical equipment may be gone, our party still has their strength and their wits. And perhaps that will be enough to see them through this bizarre new predicament.

It’s a weird scenario indeed. Any memory of the past week or two is very fuzzy. But now, snippets of knowledge of their surroundings are coming back to the party’s memory, including these nuggets:

1. Rappa = the bird-mannish creatures surrounding the players
2. Oaks = slave-drivers
3. L’Hal = formal greeting to others
4. Ya L’Hal = informal greeting
5. Jiktar = compliment
6. Hiktar – a very good compliment…like, reference to a good leader
7. Deldar = an insult
8. Rast = the worst insult ever

The DM, answering questions from the gallery, informs the group that they appear to be in the minority as far as humanoids go; most of the other slaves are the bird-like creatures (rappa). Inquiries into the health of the party are answered neutrally by the DM: there appear to be no signs of severe abuse, malnutrition, or deprivation by the oaks overseers. Are they tired? Yes. Are they hungry? Yes. But the plight is manageable for our brave crew.

The barge that carries the slaves passes underneath a bridge, nearing an island where a flag waves – a flag bearing the symbol of the House of Estercari, and it would appear the bargeman is steering the vessel towards that dock. The players catch a glimpse of a well-dressed noblewoman and what looks like her bodyguard standing on the shore, watching the arriving boat. Another barge is floating in from the other direction and it is about now that absolute chaos busts out. On the other ship, the rappa slaves there began to cry out and push against their guards, intent on going after the fancy woman on the shore.

Well, how about that? Our brave adventurers have been transported unwillingly to a new plane and are now about to get involved in a slave revolt. Or…maybe they won’t…but they’ve got a decision to make. Because it looks as if things are about to get violent. Let’s not forget, our questers have no armor and no weapons – a stubbed toe could be construed as a violent action right now.

Dallian: Can I see any keys on our guards?
DM: Yes, they are visible.
Draeya: How deep is the water we are surrounded by? (DM Response: 10-15 feet maybe?)

It’s probably obvious by now, dear readers, that our heroes have no intention on staying slaves forever…or even for another ten minutes. It is worth saying here that the group is chained to each other around the waists, which is not great news, but it’s better than having their hands bound.

Oh, wait. Scratch that. Dallian rolls well enough to retrieve the keys from the distracted guards, and begins unlocking the rest of the team. Hello, sweet freedom!

Once the shackles are gone, Brenna takes the opportunity to cast Fog Cloud. Soon, a totally natural fog rolls through, lending a little more confusion to an increasingly alarming scene.

Eldewyn asks how many guards surround them (4) and how distracted do they appear to be (very).

And I think we can all guess what comes next…

Eldewyn: Rolls a decent Athletics check to push one of the guards into the water.
Chsaud: Leaps onto the shore and makes his way towards the noblewoman, as his Damsel in Distress alert is sounding big time.
Draeya: Leaps to the shore and heads away from the chaos.
Kit Kat: Rushes a guard, knocks him into the water, and steals one of his feathers in the process.
Dallian: Leaps onto shore, moves towards a hiding place.
Brenna: Casts Wild Shape and crocodiles herself into the water.
E: Pushes guard #3 into the water.
Ch: Continues sprinting towards the abduction-in-progress.
Dr: Calls after the paladin to come back.
K: Pushes another guard in, rolling a Nat 20 in the process. The guard strikes his head against a marble dock post and drops his sword, which the bard picks up tout de suite.
E: Asks about bargecraft and his ability to steer the vessel they are on. DM’s answer indicates piloting the boat would be a bad idea at this time.
C: Attempts to engage with the slave nearest the noblelady, aaaaaaand…FUMBLE! The paladin misses so badly that he swings wildly, knocks the noblewoman down along with the rappa pawing at her.
Dr: Shakes her fists at the sky in a moment of anguished deliberation before moving back into the fray to assist Chsaud.
K: Moves the same way as Draeya.
Dall: Searches for some kind of weapon while slinking in the shadows.

Brenna Badger is in full-on crocodile mode and she’s lookin’ to bite some people. The DM informs the party that the slaves, because of the being chained together thing, move in packs and therefore, make easy targets. That’s all the forest gnome needs to know before moving in and taking one of the princess-kidnapping rappa out.

Eldewyn, though, is having a moment. He decides to go for his trusty Fire Bolt, but then he decides to pick up a sword. Then, nope, he’s back to the OG Plan A: Fire Bolt. He hits another rappa for 7 pts damage. Chsaud recovers from his fumble and lands a punch on the tripped-up rappa’s back. The ranger gets the princess to her feet, and checks her over for injuries. Kit Kat swings her new sword and turns another rappa into a profusely bleeding one.

This has all happened so fast that really, the revolting slaves have not had much time to respond…but oh, they are about to. I mean, you kinda have to react to flaming bolts and a tall half-elf whipping a sword around, you know?

So…it’s not surprising, honestly, that nobody hears this little gnome voice from the shadows call out, “HEY! What are you doing? Stop! Let’s get out of here!” Poor Dallian – somebody get him a stepladder and a bullhorn.

Brenna is too busy biting people to respond to Dallian’s words. The rappa slaves begin to push back, shouting to our heroes, “Why are you helping her? She’s the enemy!” One poor slave trips on the way to Chsaud (FUMBLE!) and falls at the paladin’s feet, while another slave administers 2 points of slap-damage to the crocodile. Eldewyn does his best Intimidate and scares off a couple of slaves. Chsaud kills another slave with punch damage. Draeya implores Kit Kat to somehow convince the other slaves to go away and leave them. However, Kit Kat FUMBLES! and her words get a little bit twisted:

What she says: Slaves, you are free! Flee and let us “take care” of the princess.
How they respond: No, you wont! You’re trying to trick us!

Dallian has now given up hope of getting his friends to go quietly into that good night, so he resignedly enters the fray. Picking up the nearest stone, he chucks it with amazing accuracy and strikes a slave. Brenna (in snappy croc language) asks if Chsaud is attacking, and when she receives an affirmative from the DM, she continues to bite away for 3 pts of damage. The slaves finally wise up and start using their CHAINS as weapons; Chsaud takes 4 pts of damage and Draeya takes three. Eldewyn dispatches three more slaves with his Magic Missile, while Chsaud and Draeya finish off two more rappa with punch damage. Soon, any other slaves that are hanging around realize what’s up and take off to enjoy their newfound life, liberty, and pursuits of happiness. The party also spots some guards floating in the canal, and it is hoped that this does not come back to haunt them.

The princess, having regally dusted herself off, introduces herself as the Princess Nadima Sidones of the House of Estercari. And then she says, most haughtily, “You may incline to me.”

There is a stunned moment of dead, disbelieving silence. No “thank you”, no “Oh, my heroes!” or anything of the like from the princess. Except that we may incline to her. We have her permission to bow to her.

Um, thanks?

Brenna indicates that she will bow…in crocodile form. Hahaha. That’ll show the princess.

There is a brief discussion in which Kit Kat suggests holding the sword to the princess’s throat, but as she’s not really evil enough to do so, it doesn’t make sense. Eldewyn, on the other hand, has no moral problem with it. But in the end, practicality wins out. The group is already in a precarious situation and there’s no need to make things worse.

There is so much incredulity at this whole scene that nobody inclines to the princess. And moments later, there is the sound of shouting and stampeding; guards are now running towards the fearless heroes. As they near, Draeya calls out, “We’ve just saved her. We rescued her.” And with that, she pushes the noblewoman towards the guards.

An awkward pause follows as the guards watch Nadima, who watch the guards, who watch Nadima…who watch…anyway!

Finally, the princess says, “Yes, they did rescue me. But, they must be confused about inclining. Please purchase them from the quarry and send them to the house.” With a great flourish, she then turns and strides away with her retinue, without so much as a glance back at her rescuers.

Huh. Well, hasn’t this just been one strange day?

And Dallian the rock gnome says it best: I’m not inclined to incline at this time.

Right on.